Xuan Da said "Never give yourself the chance to prove yourself wrong. Give yourself some chance to shine."

I still can't get over these and such. FFFFAAAAAIIIILLLLLLUUUUUURRRRRRREEEE luh Jean. I have many, and I emphasize on the word 'many', assignments left undone. One pile of work still waiting for me on my desk. I am trying to do my speech, but god knows what is the correct format. Actually, I wanted to do on the topic 'Arts', but it is rather general to me, so now I have decided on 'Gambling'? I have my brief draft done.

Even encouraging people requires skills. I mean, come on luh, you got to understand whether the person you're encouraging takes it the hard way or a softer way. How could you do that to her? Even I can encourage her better than you do.

"I'm not the competitive sort, especially when it comes to NCC matters. Because I love NCC, so shouldn't I wish well for my unit instead? I see others' capability, yet I failed to see mine. I want the very best for my unit, so I have discarded my wants."

My failure to turn up for the course, I hope, hadn't caused any inconvenience.

I must have been such a fool. I am sorry, Jean, so sorry.

THERE ARE SOME PROBLEMS, SO THE POSTS HAVE SWAPPED POSITIONS(:

Reproach me all you want, I've foreseen that all these approaching. I have mustered preparations, mentally, to withstand questions, doubts, disappointments bombarding me. For a spur of moment, I deeply realised that my commintment towards NCC these years is wasted just in a bat of my eyelid. It dawned on me how selfish I was, and I didn't put the consequences into consideration. Am I being too serious about this issue? Anyway, part of my converstion with Hadi..


hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
all of us do really feel for you
hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
because you missed the course

hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
yes, but i think in our eyes you're still a gd leader
Jean says:
nah, you don't have to console me
hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
hmm, alrighty

hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
oh alrighty
hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
mutuals were really difficult u noe
hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
like, have procedures
hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
and then we have to teach them step by step
hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
and sir joshua was in charge of me
hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
the sirs in charge were really alright
hadi "yay im staff sergeant but im hungry, sigh.." says:
the sea district CLTs were the ones who were fiercest
Jean says:
oh, i've heard about the Sea District CLTs too


Yeah, kind of like that. Then Randy, from Bendemeer Secondary, who was in the same platoon as Hadi and Latifah.


Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
lol
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
Btw do U remember Nabil
Jean says:
yup, why?
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
He is plathoon best


Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
No la the stupid SEA CLT and spec
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
request the IC to report so many time strength
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
for one debrief it took us about one and a half hour
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
And the acting CO keep on calling the CSM to report over and over again because some ppl move
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
SO both EAST CLT and SPEC are freaking piss off
Jean says:
well, after all, you guys were attending SSC
Jean says:
of course the standard must be there
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
Is not about the standard
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
how shall I put it.......
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
Because we are kinda late so we are in a rush
Jean says:
put away the anger, at least you got your rank(:
Jean says:
anyway, who took your platoon?
Randy pledge not tobe enthu in NCC till end of year exam is over says:
JC


I shall fish out more, gee.. Jean oh Jean.

The Blog Keeping Rules:

1. Each blogger must post these rules first.

2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post
there rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged and to read your blog 8 stupid facts about yourself.

First, fact one, Jean did not turn up for her Senior Spec Course.
Second, fact two, Aku tak jambu\ Tak jambu, aku.
Third, fact three, Jean just received Aqil, Xuan Da and Irfan's messages.
Forth, fact four, Jean dreamt that she was a murderer of many dregs of humanity.

Fifth, habit one, I like to flip the pages of my New Testament (I love the material).
Sixth, habit two, I can't resist to touch my cellphone with damp fingers.
Seventh, habit three, I hug a baby pillow to sleep instead of a bolster.
Eighth, habit four, I love to fidget with my piercings.

I pick..eight random people to do this.

All right, the above is dedicated to SOPHIX'S dearest Cheryl.

Tuesday, 4Th September 2007:

Well, I had Chemistry lesson that day, from 1300 to 1700. Before that, I lunched with Timothy at Downtown East. Only then, Timothy realised that his glasses were snoozing at home. Right after our meal, we headed back to his house to retrieve his glasses before going to school.

Like forever, Chemistry extra lessons aren't really that beneficial. It was rather lax, but nonetheless, it's always awesome to be granted a break, especially when we had half an hour off. Anne, Xuan Jie, Alfred, and I, went to get some refreshments. Great, right after our lovely break, we had to work on an exercise. That's also when friends come in handy, heh. I went to Xuan Jie's bench and John, Alfred were copying too. When they went up to Mr Mahathir for some explanation, I went to Alex's seat, beside Shayne since Alex was at my place with Anne, Timothy and Wilson.

Let me see.. Timothy, Irfan, Alex, Dennison, Desmond, Shayne, Alfred, and Jun Ming played basketball. Wilson, Anne and I were there to watch. Did I leave someone out? Seems like it, but don't care two hoots.



Wednesday, 5Th September 2007:

AMath extra lesson. Nothing else carries much interest. I was sick, and it got worse at night.



Thursday, 6Th September 2007:

I was like dying on my bed when.. Haryani messaged me in the morning. I told Albin I won't be there with them, but he didn't bring his phone. And I guess that must be the reason why I held them up. Then Hadi messaged me like at seven. A vague impression that someone called my house and Hadi rang me up thrice, but I was so soundly asleep, as if I was dead. I peeled myself awake because I had to reply Hadi's message or they may get to HQ late. I feel really, extremely, remorse as I kept the rest waiting. It's like, due to me being ill, I missed a great opportunity and such. I wasted a slot and may have let down some people. I felt so guilty when people asked me why am I not in camp and stuff. Whatever it is, I hope that the other nine can pass out as Staff Sergeants. Well, I am sure they can. A pity I can't see the others from Spec Course and whatever other NCC activities. Sorry, once again, to keep the rest waiting.

Everything is in a mess right now. Why is it difficult to decipher your thoughts? I don't like things to fall in place this way. Nevertheless, I will try to change myself for the better. Too many things have been taking place lately. Much words left untold.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha(:
I am delighted!

What is wrong here, this bbbblllloooooooggggggg?

*Watched Hairspray
*Bumped into Norris and Ashley Faiz Lee Shi
*Lost my beloved two-dollar note
*Attended AOH Day One

Friday, 31st August 2007:

I think I better start an Old Gran's Tale.

This very morning, as I was walking to school, I saw Alfred, like miles in front of me. In class, I had to teach\show\demonstrate Albin Hormat with my dad's mini M16 rifle. Well, it is a lighter actually. Then we had our morning assembly and stuff, after which, Siska accompanied me to look for Mrs Koh to inquire about the Colour Awards. Like nobody knows much, so she just told me to wait for announcement. Siska and I tumbled down to 3\6's corridor and sat. Alfred and I were literally bullying Timothy. Fun. For I wonder what reason, Sec 3 had to start off last. What a scenic walk I must comment. Marvellous.

Mr Ong welcomed us upon our arrival. I think Boyfriend should spend more time with Girlfriend. I watched the games alone, awesome. I had to be dismissed earlier and went to change into my No. 3. Siska, Alex and I then headed to the Staff Room and took out EMath test. Okay, that paper ground all my brain juice out. I salute. After the paper, I was walking back to class when Mr Neo hailed out to me "Eh, hall people, come now!" and I was like uh oh, my recess break. I went in, i-love-chicken uh, not many Uniformed Groups were there. Well, to be specific, apparently, St. John's were the only ones that were present. I walked out and back to the classroom, rushed here and there, getting my badges up, then scrammed back to the hall. Fortunately, Nadzirah and I arrived in the nick of time. Mr Neo man-screeched at the rest behind us.

Finger flick to our award ceremony. It's like my first in Pasir Ris Crest as I didn't turn up for the NYAA Ceremony 2007. Heh. I almost dozed off during Mr Ong's long-drawn speech. Surprisingly, my heart wasn't racing. I felt nothing slamming against my chest. I thought I would be nervous although I had done few of such in Loyang Primary. KS was ahead of me. He received the Individual and Team award, which I thought, Ahmad should have been given the chance to represent NCC Boys to receive Team. A pity Mrs Koh did not know, or else it would have been Ahmad that was in front of me. Never mind about that, small issue.

I went back to sit behind the class and Jun Ming was on my right. It was tiring to sit in the No. 3 skirt luh. Gee. It was so boring and Zafran, Jun Ming and I were talking about NPCC No. 1 uniform and their badges. Apart from Jannah, I saw Kai Wei, and of course some others. Jannah and Kai Wei(:

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, LOUIS LIM!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HADI LEE SHU CHENG!

Anyone else?

There there, cookie mmmmoooooonnnnnsssstttttteeeeerrrrrrrrssssssss!

Annnnngggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllll(:

I am awfully scalded by your words of rejection.

I just can't get anything out from your mouth as much as I wanted to. Why are you avoiding it? You have no idea how much of pain to endure that way.

Gee, even if it's a teeny weeny bit, it seriously can cheer me up. What comes next? Disappointment, it is. Your words are just so patronising.

I know I am going to be just fine. Just grant me some time. The sight of you sends an extra pounding to my heart. Your hotness is overwhelming, robbing my sanity away. "Beyond retrieval, those happiness can be." The changes that are evolving in you, they are transforming you for the bad. It aches my heart seeing that happening and not being able to drop some advices. You made my heart crumbled. I shall learn to keep quiet. Things are not going that well. If only I am the one hiding and you are the one seeking for me. Those glances are imaginary, wasn't what it was meant to be. I am tired of all these.

I had a time of my life with that girl above(:


It only dawned on me today that I should put an end to everything since it is just the initial stage. I believe it is easier this way. I reckon this burden would get off our backs and lighten the situation. I guess not. An end; an end to any situations that may ever occur. I realised what I should do only today, but nevertheless, I promised myself to carry that out. The first step is never simple, but with perseverance and determination, I am sure it would just fade away. I mean, it may not be easy to tell what you really want, but it is plain to fathom what you don't want at all. Even if it means deluding myself, as long as I can achieve my motive, I don't see why not.

"Why are you creating an impression of wanting to approach a further step in a friendship that doesn't even stands on a strong foundation?" Blow it, might as well.

You just want an addition to your album of friends. I don't see a purpose of keeping this friendship then, don't you agree? Hah.


This post seems heavy, but nonetheless, some people are looking. FRIENDS, lol. My friends, I love pastries(:


PS My grammar is problematic and incorrigible.

PPS Use postscript without the fullstops. P.S and P.P.S are American English(:

I was on the phone with Albin just now, blabbering nonsense. Initially, we were supposed to think about what's left amiss in our NCC room, then we drifted on to our camp. He insisted to join camp with Girl Guides, like forever. Then we talked about collecting NCC funds. He suggested five bucks per cadet. It was rather pricey, I thought. We suggested to install a standing air-conditioner, refrigerator and stuff in the room. So unrealistic right. But it was fun uh, we laughed heartily. We even considered to have a barbecue during our camp instead.

Nabilah oh Nabilah!

Yesterday, eve of our National Day, was pretty much of a breeze. I left home rather early and met BM at SPC. When it was nearing seven, I became panicky and started ringing Haryani like mad. Thank god she came just in time with the sash, but it wasn't ironed. Fortunately BM was there to assist me. My mentor. There to put on my badges for me. The sash was lanky uh. Mr Ong was tardy so we were granted little time to rehearse. Even though I reckon that slow march was better than my past practices, but I know I didn't carried it out well enough. Zafran made a mistake, but never mind(:

After school, Nabilah and I went to the airport. We ate and talk, seriously talked. We chatted for hours and yeah, long one. We wandered around the airport and talked. We stopped by the bookstore, galleries, and talked. Apparently, my day is spent talking. From Whitesands, we walked to Pasir Ris Town Park. Initially, we were heading to Central. But midway, Aqil said he was going to fish with his dad. And coincidentally, he was approaching Town Park too. So Nabilah and I waited and waited for him to arrive. After quite some time, he settled down in his fishing spot and we just popped by to wave at him.


Anyway, I was kind of looking forward to the National Day Parade, just the march past. For the firing of canon section, those fellows had to wear No. 1. It was rather muddy and it projected a not-so-smart image of the guys in the prestigious No. 1 uniform. RSM appeared in the short video clip when it reflected the marching contingents' practices. Awesome uh he. Heh.


When NCC and NPCC Ma'ams get together, they rate NPCC guys. Hah.


Everything started off wrongly. You shouldn't have stood that near. It goes down from your toes.

Perhaps I was wrong. I put a tad too much concern into my stuff and emotions, and paid not much attention to my surroundings. I was too caught up with whatever happened this afternoon. Uh J*sus.


Good riddance. I though things would pick up for DPs, but no. Everything went tumbling down again. It snowballed down to one massive chunk of snow. Yes, a disappointment for me. And whatever it is, my gorgeous Salihah, like you've always said, things would definitely turn out for the better. Same goes to my babeous Nabilah. DPs will tide through this together, well, SOPHIX is always here, rooting for you guys. Whatever you guys are suffering, SOPHIX feels it too. Nabilah, don't bother about my stuff right now. I just shut down our conversation on MSN because I believe my stuff is not as important as compared to yours, and Sally. I can cope with my situation fairly well. No worries.

Anway, to SOPHIX, apart from Anne, who would be flying off on Wednesday, is it possible to leave some time for a SOPHIX day?


I love.